Backward Blues

Do you suppose I could get that Aussie mom to serve me up some Ovaltine to help me with skating backwards?  I sincerely believe that the harder I try to go in reverse, the tougher it gets -- just like the ad says.

Going forward on skates has been tough enough.  Had I not been getting my skates tweaked at Monday's practice when Raven made us show off a skating talent, I would have just skated in the forward motion without falling -- that is about as talented as I get these days!  I'm even making (very slight) progress going forward in the clockwise direction, but this whole backwards thing is just gibberish to my feet and hips.

I don't remember if we did any backwards skating at tryouts, but at our very first practice we did a little bit of it and I remember just being immobilized, stuck at the far end of the Palladium, while everyone else had made it back to the line.  Liv N. LetDie took pity on my cement-footed self and basically pushed me all the way back to the line.  Since then we have done some backwards skating at practices.  I usually can only go about two feet, while everyone else does about ten laps.

A lot of people have tried to help me with this skating hurdle.  FM Kellie gave me some personal instruction at one of those Friday night Open Skates back in early August.  She told me to focus on how I was using my toes in the propulsion motion.  That seemed like a good plan back then, when I did not have chronic foot pain on the top of my right foot.  Cinzilla and Mildred Fierce tried to help at a Saturday Open Skate and instructed me to do some sort of back wheel foot lift, but I can never seem to remember the exact mechanics of that motion during practices.

So tonight Charlie made us do a lot of backwards skating.  Maybe I made it more than two feet tonight, but not by much.  Charlie showed me how to use my hips and how to carve my foot and it made perfect sense when watching her fluid movements, but when trying to apply these to my FrankenSkate body, I just floundered.

But at least now I have a bunch of things to work with at the next Open Skate.  Maybe I'll just try and skate backwards the entire time.   That will be super boring and very frustrating, but I need to just focus and figure this thing out.  There has to come a time when the harder I try, the easier it will be, right?

Now where's that Ovaltine?

Roller Derby on Film!

Drew Barrymore directs "Whip It."

For a survey of derby on film over the decades see

Mildred Fierce's latest "Skate Like a Girl"

Whoopsy Daisy!

It happened. My ass smack down on the ground.

Last night's practice, led expertly by Raven Von Kaos, was everything a good practice should be. It challenged our endurance with a pyramid sprint drill and suicide drills. It built our skills with 20 laps (in each direction) skating as a pack. It bolstered our confidence--Raven had us one by one, take the track and show the group something we're good at while the rest of the group cheered. Foxee Firestorm busted out the sweet dance moves. Pixie Painful did that trick where you balance on the front wheels on one skate, and the back wheels on another. Mildred Fierce displayed mad storytelling skills with a lovely knee-slide finale. Others did impressive Figure 4 Falls, Knee Dips, and some very cool Rexing!

And we had time for fun at the end of practice. Ever play "Freeze Tag" on skates? You should!! Raven had us divide into 4 groups (wearing colored pinnies) each with one jammer. As we all skated around the track, our jammer tagged other team members (minus jammers) while other team's jammers tagged us. Once tagged, we had to stop until another of our team members could come by to tag and 'unfreeze' us. So Fun!! During my turn as jammer I must have had the craziest look on my face as I tried (many times unsuccessfully) to tag Heather Headlocklear as she flew around. It really pushed me to skate my fastest like nothing else has.

Great practice right? Well, perhaps the cherry on top of that great practice sundae was breaking the sudden vertical drop barrier. We were scrimmaging, I was blocking in the back of the pack and suddenly, completely out of nowhere, I was DOWN! Right on my ass! I fell so hard I felt like I might find that there was a hole in the floor and my butt was sitting on the concrete foundation of the palladium! It was such an absolute surprise. I felt this fall throughout my entire body--it completely shook my entire world. My mind was working overtime. Thoughts flying through included "Did I hurt my coccyx like FM Jenipher? Did I get a concussion? Am I gonna get a super hemotoma like Roxy?" The wind was knocked out of me, my head felt really zingy and I could feel tears pushing out involuntarily... not like "I am not gonna cry" involuntary tears, more like tears that were a body function--like sweating or sneezing almost. I crawled to the middle of the track, there was no getting up from this doozy of a fall. I felt shocked and scared. People asked me if I was o.k. and I couldn't respond because I didn't know. It was a very strange and otherworldly feeling. The weirdest part was that my butt didn't hurt at all! What I finally noticed hurting (a lot!) was my neck. Derby Whiplash? I looked to Millie to try to figure out what to do. She asked if my upper body was tensing up. I thought, oh yeah, I should lie down so that I can relax my neck and not have it seize up. I lay on my back and listened to the continuing scrimmage---the sounds of shouting and the loud crash of someone else taking a fall. I lay there on my back, looking up and trying to relax. Millie stuck by me and told me to breathe, exhaling fully and letting my back relax down to the floor. I swear, that woman should market her own guided relaxation recording! Her kids must love when she reads them bed-time stories 'cos that woman really can encourage calm amid chaos. Listening to her voice, concentrating on breathing and relaxing (and not freaking out) was really completely turning things around. After a while I was able to sit up. I slowly rolled my shoulders, moved my head from side to side and couldn't detect any concussion-like feelings or other signs of major injury. In fact, I was able to block in one more scrimmage! Glad I could get back on the horse that threw me. Wasn't ready to jam, but held my own and actually did a couple of decent positional blocks (making sure my butt was in the jammer's way).

So all-in-all, the falling experience was a pretty good one. The best part was seeing that my girls had my back. Right away, people were checking on me and FM Rachel looked me right in the eye --always helpful with people who are out to lunch!--and asked if I needed ice or anything else. My derby sisters stuck with me up until I was feeling better. I got to learn firsthand that "Derby Hurts" but that we survive. Our world can be completely rocked--even stop for a moment... but we can start back up again and be ready for the next challenge. Go me!

Go Nor Cal!!

I'll be attending this out of town bout, wearing green and supporting our Silicon Valley sisters as they battle Orange County. In an interesting parallel, Rachel's attending SCDG Boardwalk Bombshells vs San Diego Derby Dolls in San Diego tonight. We'll be sure to post the details!

You said it!

Media mention in the metro!

The "finest and funkiest in local alternative sports leagues"

Boil 'n' Bite Bites Back

I have No Love for my little blue mouth-monster. I'm not sure, but I think tonight's incident with my mouth guard was the grossest yet. No, I didn't drop it in the toilet... though I do think about it, I hate it so. I was skating along, minding my business, chewing on my mouth guard as I was trying to perform any number of challenging drills tonight at Fresh Meat practice (more on the chewing later) and low and behold, I got to experience what it's like to have a mouth guard AND a hair in my mouth. YECHHH! So I'm skating and chewing along (BAD IDEA, don't engage in this nasty habit, I think I have a permanent mouth-sore on my left upper gum) and NOW I'm trying to dislodge aforementioned hair from the mouth guard with my tongue as I skate. Disgusting. And the first attempt at extracting both mouth guard and hair from my mouth (with my hands...) didn't even work. I found myself skating around the track waiting for another break in drills to make the attempt again. 2nd try was a charm. Phew!

Daisy's mouth guard experiences so far:
-Dripping drool down my front after taking it out-- check.
-Dropping it on the floor and putting it back in--oh yeah.
-Mouth sores from compulsive cud-like chewing--yep!
-Washing the thing only once. Ever.--mais oui, that's me!
-and now the hair.

Just. Plain. Gross.

Derby/Life Balance

It is so obvious that I suffer from the same dilemma that the girl in the above commercial also suffers from:  skating has taken over our lives!  That last line in the commercial sums it all up:  "When you've got something better to do than cook!"  Every week it seems that my grocery shopping and dinner preparation chores get sidelined because I am doing something derby-related.  Last night, we went to Trader Joe's, which is not our usual grocery store, just because we needed food for the house that is quick, effortless, and (gulp) pre-packaged.  I am not a pre-packaged food kind of person.  I like the hours needed to read through the recipe, chop, marinate, broil, baste, etc.  I just don't seem to have the time for that anymore.  If I miss grocery shopping or cooking a big meal on Sunday night, then I'm rushing to (double gulp) Safeway right after practice on Monday night just for a few breakfast things, and for dinner I'm subsisting on whatever small morsels I have sitting around the cupboard.

There are other lifestyle changes besides meal preparation that have been lost to derby as well.  I no longer seem to read books.  I am weeks behind in my book club book, because instead of devouring that book over breakfast, I am on the internet looking up all things derby.  And what about sewing?  I'm supposed to make my sister some cloth baby wipes from old towels.  My little nephew must have a super dirty bum by this time with all the baby wipes that I have NOT made.  The only sewing I have done in the past few weeks has been, well, you guessed it:  derby-related.  I still work, of course, but driving to and from appointments has been consumed with thoughts about derby and practice and skates and teammates and...you get the picture.  And what about the poor boyfriend?  He wants to hang out on Friday nights because he has barely seen me all week and all I want to do is go down to the Palladium for some Open Skate.

The only thing that I haven't fallen behind on is laundry.  And why is that?  Well, I need to keep my derby clothes laundered, of course!  I have just so many workout pants to wear and if I don't keep them clean, then I will have to resort to (triple gulp) booty shorts and tights.  I need to also wash multiple pairs of knee-high socks plus my two name shirts so that people can tell who I am at practice.  (Apparently my helmet name sticker is not really working because the letters are too big and when directly behind me people can only see "ACHE", which is how their eyes and minds must feel after watching me skate!)

At a recent work conference they had us make a pie chart detailing our Work/Life Balance.  I really need to sit down and do a Derby/Life Balance chart so that I can deal with all these changes!  Otherwise, I'm going to have to go pick up a busload of those Take 5 dinners!

We Want You!

Inkadinkadon't

I keep getting asked about tattoos.  If I have any, when I'm getting them, etc.  I have to end this line of questioning here and now.  Though I have managed to get my toe just inside the derby door, my body is unadorned, uninked, and artless, and it shall remain so.  It's not that I have anything against tattoos.  I'm just trying to think about my future.  I mean, what if someday I happen to be on the NOC list?  Would it be a good idea to have an entry in the Identifying Marks section?  I need to keep my body as anonymous as possible.  I am, afterall, still waiting for the CIA to come recruit me as soon as they realize that I am the next Sydney Bristow:

I'm gonna wash that stench right outta my pads...

I've played my share of smelly sports.  I remember soccer cleats that never quite dried out after game upon game in torrential downpours.  Or what about the four years I spent drenched in scum from the Erie Barge Canal?  We definitely must have had some kind of funk emanating from us, which was probably why no one other than crew team members sat together after morning rows.  But these derby pads seem to have taken on a life of their own...they may even have giant microbial mold growing in them.

At my first few practices with SCDG, I remember taking whiffs of my shiny, new Pro-Tec pads --  Ahhhh!  Fresh from the packaging!  And then I would happen to be next to a seasoned player during drills and my nostrils would flare a bit at the derby girl reek.  But now, after a month and a half of sweating profusely into my pads and occasionally forgetting to air out my gear bag, I am blending right in.

I can't quite describe the smell.  It's part stale sweat, part bottom of the laundry pile, and part three-day-old wet towel sealed in a Ziploc.  I have really tried to be good about at least opening the bag after practice, and I always regret not doing so when slipping on cold wet elbow pads and wrist guards.  In fact, the wrist guards seem to be the worst olfactory offenders.  My hands stink for hours after wearing them, even after frantic scrubbing sessions a la Lady MacBeth.

So I decided to do something about my stench and soaked the pads in a half-water/half-white vinegar solution as per the suggestion at this post.  After a night of soaking, they are now hanging in the sun to bake all day.  Hopefully this will get out some of the stink and hopefully I won't smell too douchey at the next practice.

And for those of you who remember #1 from my Derby Wish List, please rest assured that I have purchased a very strong Dove deodorant and my own personal underarm odor problem seems to have been fixed.  If only I had known about this product made especially for girls on skates: