Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Beyond Co-Dependency

One of the great things about joining a derby league is all the cool women you meet. You find yourselves working on committees together, shopping for 'Boutfits', cheering for each other through each grueling practice. Sweet, right? Well now imagine this: this girl may take major falls and sustain serious injury because of something you did. Yes, that's right. Derby is a place where you wind up hurting your friends. Now there are the normal dings and dents that happen because of a well-placed block and then there are accidents. These are the ones that kill me. As I lumber along learning to be a cleaner, better skater there is inevitable fallout along the way. There are the times my skate gets 'locked' with another girl on the track, there are the times I fail to "fall small" and poke somebody in the eye, and there are the times that I try to receive a whip from somebody in the pace line and manage to drag them to the floor. YOW!! These are the moments that break my heart. We keep getting reminded that "There's No Sorry in Derby." We're supposed to roll right by anyone who has fallen, don't apologize, don't help anyone up and keep playing. We're supposed to let it go and not let these things compromise our game. I know it's not useful to to feel this bad about hurting my new girl-friends... still there's this gut-wrenching guilt and sheepish tail between the legs shame and knowing my lack of finesse has caused another's bruises and bumps-- it causes me anguish that I can practically feel in my chest when I've done something sloppy or unskilled that results in one of my derby sisters lying on the floor. So, since I'm not supposed to say it at practice I'll say it now:

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